Like
everyone whose life he touched, I am deeply affected by Steven’s
death. In many ways, I still don’t believe it because I know no
other human being so alive and at peace with life. It is in this regard
that the loss seems most unfair. As someone constantly stressed, I’ve
always admired Steven’s uncanny ability to stay calm and happy
(“as a clam”) through adversity. He just rolled with the
punches and brought a healthy and humorous attitude to everything and
everyone he encountered. I know you know all these wonderful qualities
about him but I thought I’d illustrate a few of them with some
of my memories. The details of my memories are vague but the images
are particularly vibrant and strong.
His creativity.
When Fiona and I lived together on School Street in Chicago, Steven
was like a third roommate (we even gave ourselves a fraternity name
- Phi Alpha Gamma or PhAG because we smoked incessantly during that
time). Once we were hosting a party and needed flowers. Because of cash-flow
problems, we couldn’t
buy any. So Steven and I drove around the neighborhood in his sad-looking
Jetta, taking turns jumping out at intersections to “appropriate”
flowers from gardens and parks. This was only slightly unethical because
we never took too many from one spot. By the end of our tour, we came
home to Fiona with tons of flowers for the apartment... tons.
His generosity.
After we all left Chicago, I was living in LA and Steven I think was
between SF and NY. I was talking to him on the phone (or it may have
been by email I’m not sure) and I mentioned his old 1970s Polaroid
Land Camera and how I loved the quality of the photos it took (very
deep contrasts and bizarre focal ranges). A week or two later I receive
a package in the mail with precisely such a camera - he had an extra.
I love having it and have taken it with me on most of my adventures
since then. But having it also reminds me that I
have no good photos of Steven, a friend whose generosity knew no bounds.
The everydayness of his optimism.
Steven seemed content with life at all times and in all the little details
of the every day. Stupid and annoying things like shopping, errands,
TV, being hung-over, and cleaning were so much fun with him around.
He smiled all the time. I can’t even begin to express all the
wonderful images I have of his everyday joy.
There’s so much more and there always will be… precisely
Steven’s vibrancy makes his loss all the more profound.
-Cecily Hilsdale
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