Cindy and all Steven's friends,

I apologize I have not written this to you sooner but many times when I would start, it would be very difficult and I could not continue.

When I first heard about Steven's illness, I couldn't believe this was happening to someone in our family. My first thought was, he is so far away from home and his family, he should be brought back to Dallas. It really upset me when I heard he wanted to stay in California and not come here, even knowing he was very ill and to transport him would be very difficult. I couldn't understand why he didn't want to come home but as you read on, I now know and understand.

Of course, the difficulty of dealing with his illness was watching and hearing the cries of his parents and all our aunts and uncles not to mention all of us, his cousins. Our extended family would see each other only during holidays, birthdays, and weddings just like most normal extended families do and that's when we would all catch up and have small talk then go on. If one of us lives far away, we see each other less but we all just live our normal lives as usual and take for granted the importance of those we see less of because we believe we will see them next time.

The day of Steven's funeral, I could not believe how many of his friends were there. So many of you came from far away to watch us put Steven to rest. When we were asked to stand up and say a few words about Steven, it was very moving when I saw the line grow. Unfortunately, none of the family members stood up and said anything, I too am guilty of that. I wanted so much to go up there and say a few words but as I was sitting there listening to all of his friends speak, I realized how much he has done and how many hearts he has touched within the last 12 years of his life and how the family was privileged to be a part of it because he was born to it. I never really knew how much he had evolved in the last years of his life because all I had memories of was up to his teenage years. I did not know him at all. I had no memories of his last 12 years and that was when he really became "Steven." I have been so involved in my own life to see what was going on with my own cousin. He was and still is loved and remembered by many, I of his earlier years and you, his friends, of his later more important years.

I use to see him regularly up to about the age of 10 then very rarely after that. I was at a tennis match one day and he came up to me because he recognized who I was right away. It took me a several minutes to recognize him because he had gone through a growth spurt and looked very different. Of course I was glad to see him and we laughed about it but we just blew it off as something funny. Now I wished I had taken it more seriously. I know I can't change the past and try to have a great cousin relationship with him but I can only change how I handle things with people in the future. I have a 12 year old daughter, 13 in November, and I have missed more of her life than I want to admit. I speak of our family regularly to her so she will always know them. I would have written something for his memory book, but I didn't know how to put it in words until now.

After the funeral, I could not stop thinking about the words that was said and the pictures of him. I now know my cousin, Steven, through the eyes of Cindy and his friends. Steven did spend the last moments of his life with his family, it was all of you. You were his family, friends, and life. I am so happy for him even though he had a short life, it was filled with love and people whom he cared for deeply. We don't have a choice of who we are related to but we do have a choice of who we surround ourselves with. I know Steven loved his family but not only did he love his friends, but he cherished them as well.

I wish all of you the best.

-Kristi Pak

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